I was having a conversation with a client last week about the hole in the heart concept (God, self, family, friends) and she was expressing regret and confusion as to why she feels unable to have a relationship with God. I left the session feeling excited about our time next week and furthing the conversation.
This week when she came her emotion was different. She was angry. Very angry. She was still angry about her friend from the week previous that had vandalized her property while she was housesitting for her. Added to that was anger about a neighbor talking about how Boyd K. Packer spoke out against homosexuality at the most recent General Conference for the LDS Church. Then she reported that she was angry about our conversation about God last week.
Totally not what I expected. I erroneously began a conversation with her regarding Elder Packer's statements, but quickly recognized my error and shifted back to therapy. I am not here to have religious/political debates. I am here to help.
I don't read the news. I don't watch the news. I am exposed to so many negative attitudes/perspectives through my job that I do not seek more. I want my home to be a safe place and bringing in the negativity of some news stories does not protect my home. A few days after Elder Packer's talk, I received a petition from a "friend" on facebook regarding the opposition of the talk on behalf of the LGBT community. I ignored the petition and went on.
There was a period of time when I very much struggled with my responsibilities and how I should be appropriate in my beliefs regarding alternate lifestyles. The first boy I dated, after we had stopped dating and he moved across the country, told me he was gay. Then I made a really good friend, spent lots of time together, then found out that he was also gay. I moved for grad school and there was a kid in my ward at church that also came out soon after I moved away.
In each of these situations it was difficult for me to find the balance between caring about the person, but not appearing to approve of their choices. It is definitely a delicate balance.
In thinking about this and the many ways that I could have responded to the struggle to find the in-between...I feel like I ended up choosing the correct response for me. I believe there are several things that are presented to us, on a daily basis even, that either pull us away or bring us closer to our true self and to God. I believe that life is designed in such a way that we are repeatedly given opportunities to vote for or against good and evil.
Today alone I chose between:
Taking my medicine or not. Eating breakfast or not. Being happy to see a waking baby or get mad because I was still tired. Being frustrated with a full day or being grateful for secure employment. Being upset that the car was cold or being grateful to have a car at all. Choosing fast food for lunch or going home and making something. Working hard all day or stealing a little Solitaire time. Being judgmental or being helpful. Being lazy or being productive. Studying or watching TV.
Of course, this is the short list, but every one of those choices brought me one direction or the other. Sometimes those choices are between moral stands and sometimes they are about emotional, physical, or spiritual stands. I believe that there have been and there will continue to be more boldness in regard to the discussion of right and wrong. I believe that the more specific that these topics get, the more opportunities we have to choose to learn for ourselves and gain a testimony of it or reject it out of fear or offendedness. This type of thing will not stop and one day the wheat and the chaff will truly be separated.
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