Character Flaws

I like to succeed. I am pretty confident in stating that most people enjoy the feeling of success. I don't consider myself a competitive person, but I like to win. I also like to know things. I like to be the person people go to when they have certain questions.

We've been cleaning the apartment this weekend and in the midst of cleaning I found a book I had not yet finished. Crucial Confrontations. I was reading in the book and something made me remember a time before. In a past life I knew pretty much every band out there as well as who sang which song, etc. My siblings could call me with lyrics to a song and I knew how to find it. Interestingly enough, I wouldn't tell them how to find it, I'd just find it, tell them and wait for the next time.

I suppose that I enjoyed being that person, being needed. On Friday I had a session with a freshly turned ten-year-old girl. We finished the worksheet we were working on and then she opted to play Uno with me. I, of course, have had extensive experience in the realm of Uno playing. I won the first few games. I was feeling a tinge of competitiveness in imagining her cards in disarray and slightly chuckling to myself that I knew I would win. Not something I'm proud of, but must admit. I think I may do that a lot.

In any case, I eventually remembered myself and gave the girl my trick. The trick being to organize the cards by color and number. I feel rather confident that this girl was not enjoying the continued losing of the game and I was not truly enjoying winning in these circumstances. (I mean, seriously, are there really any bragging rights when a thirty-year-old beats a ten-year-old at Uno?) She won the next game.

I am usually a pretty smart person. I believe on some level, although not great for my character, I am happy when other people don't know things that I know. What is worse is that I withhold that information to maintain my illusion of ...something over them. I'm pretty sure that's the combination needed for being miserable. That is not to say that I'm miserable, but where's the joy in it?

There seems to be more joy in teaching others what I know and watching them succeed. I know that my clients that are making positive changes are my favorites because I feel like my knowledge became their knowledge and they used it to improve their lives. Not because I told them to, but because they wanted to.

Next I need to figure out what determines whether I share my knowledge with a person to help them or whether I just do it for them to "help" them. In reality, there should be no difference.

Comments

[Omari Omarya]

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